Breaking Apart


Broken.  2007 was the year I was broken. Crashed, shattered. Broken hearted, broken down and the catalyst, broken bones.

I broke my ankle in three places, it was shattered, dislocated; basically the worst of the worst. It took hours of surgery (resulting in pins, plates and two lovely scars), a splint, then air boot, wheelchair and crutches just to get me back on my feet.  This many years later and it’s still not perfect. I can’t bend at the knees very far, nor point my toes any more. I need ace bandages, wrap tape, ice, heat and elevation This is my life, since 2007.

I never expected it to take me so long to get to where I am. I’ve had to write off all these different experiences. Going for a run? Need to find flat running shoes, use athletes tape to tape it up and socks to hold it all together, even then it doesn’t last very long until the nagging pain sets in. Going shoe shopping? Forget it! I went up a size and it’s impossible to find shoes that I like that have no heel at all.

Still, the time between the break and now has been a learning process. Recovery from something that traumatic will change a person.  I learned that no matter what happens, my family will be always there to help me.  Sometimes, doesn’t matter how independent a girl is, she’ll need someone to help her. Sometimes the best help is from unexpected places and to appreciate standing, in a shower, by yourself.

I think the hardest thing I’ve had to learn, is to adapt. I’m pretty stubborn, so to face this kind of obstacle, you can’t scale it on your own, is difficult to accept. Even little things like accepting I can never wear heels, no matter how much I want a pair of nude Louboutin’s, or lace up Manolo’s. Now I just buy every kind of flat shoes at Target and live in flip flops in the summer.  Walking long distances, you take for granted. Now in the summer I’ll walk everywhere and have the rock hard leg muscles to prove it.

Recovering from any sort of broken part of you is a long process. Nobody tells you, but you can’t just bounce right back. It fundamentally changes you; sometimes for the bad, or sometimes for the good.

Ireland 2011, I went on a solo trip to visit family. We went to a local landmark that I always love going to, gorgeous views and very peaceful. The walk from the entrance to the front of the park to the lake view is around 1 ½ km, and very uneven. I managed the walk without too much pain and as I stood by the lake, I celebrated my accomplishment as even a few months before it hurt too much to walk that far. Then I realized, I had to walk back, and my healing continued. 

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